| Down so long |
[Sep. 2nd, 2006|10:11 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
so i'm home from OYCP for my 4 day break it's pretty crazy i don't know what to do with my self or my time just thought i'd post something cause i haven't been on lj forever clackamas is the same as when i left it aside from a few new employees at the K-hole and safeway it's good to see everyone anyways gonna go get lost in some music i haven't had any for almost 2 months now love you guys peace out a-town |
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| i just don't know what to do with myself |
[Feb. 4th, 2006|03:27 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | reel big fish-trendy | ] |
so basically you all know i'm a little off valance mabey even a little bit crazy and lately life has been too everything seems so far away it's like i'm living in a different world than eveyone else i can't focus i can't sleep i'm twisted and lost in my own self image and destruction i cant talk to anyone cause i don't want them to know that side of me it's driving me crazy i can't eat if i do i puke it all up i started cutting again b/c my knuckle is too busted up to bust in walls i finally moved out of my dads house and i thought this is what was gonna make everything better cause he was the one who made me hate myself in the first place he's the one who made me feel like no matter what i did or how good i did it i could never do it good enough i shouldn't eat cause i was too fat my belly was "unhealthy" i don't do this to myself because i want other people to think i'm skinny or pretty i do it because of the way i see me i get trapped in mirror that portrays the image that i see the fat and ugly me i'm stuck in a downward sprial of selfdestruction striving to survive, i wish i could make it stop and the people i do fell comfortable to open up to hate this part of me they don't understand and they get so hurt when i promise them i'll stop..for them but like always i'm a dissapointment and they get so hurt by it,i wish i could be okay i want everyone to stop hurting and worring about me it's my problem my disease i can't belive i'm posting this for the whole world to read but this is the fucked up me! i suprised everybody when i started dating richard i've always been a slut a whore and a dirty skeeze, a groupie i had fucked just about every guy and girl i hung out with by the age of 14...when we first started dating everyone had bets on how long it would last or how long before i would cheat, it's been 6 mabey 7 months now and were still together and happy neither of us even really thinks about cheathing he's the only one who's ever been able to make me feel pretty and mabey even a little sane i've grown up alot since the last time i posted and fuck it's been forever i've been through so much shit and done some thing people would never even think of doing i guess everythings weighing down alot on me oliva's back from hawii,jenny got sent back to a group home i've gotten mixed up and twisted in all sorts of shit you wouldn't even belive i have friends people i've practically lived with on the front page of the clackamas co./portland fugitive list,they've all been through so much and have so much to deal with, and i still get lost in my own selfish habits beauty secrets and self destruction. now that i don't have my fathers dark cloud hanging over my head i realize how much i really loate my mother...it hurts so much to love someone with all your heart but hate them so much at the same time i can't stand living with her and i see in her eyes everyday how much i'm hurting her with my fucked up ways i'm need to quit thinking and shut the fuck i'm so i'm ending here i just want someone to talk to who wont judge me so please write me back
peace out
remember live fast and die young
R.I.P. G.G. Allin |
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| my first journal entry!!!! |
[Sep. 25th, 2005|08:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  i'm talking to my iby!!1 | ] |
| [ | music |
| | sublime-waiting for my ruca | ] |
i'm a dirty whore!i'm so sick of me the things i say and do!! i want out of this of my own skin i just fucking want out of everything i hate myself and want to die i'm going to take a shower then go to sleep i wish i could sleep forever that would be nice!!1 |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 17th, 2005|09:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | nazi halo | ] |
so life has been real upside down lately one of my friends had a heart attack another got arrested and has court on the 19th another one gets back on the 19th after being gone for a month a couple of them are quiting drugs completely and i'm stuck in the middle of wanting to quit and not wanting to at all i've been doing alot of yay lately and staying up on adorol hey at least its not meth...eh ah fuck it i'm fucked up i really do want to quit but i dont want to give up the high the losing/forgeting about who i am and whats going on around me can't remember the last time i've gone a day with out getting high on something anyways i think im done rambling now i forgot most of what i wanted to say WOOT! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 28th, 2005|02:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  5 days sober | ] |
| [ | music |
| | G.B.H. | ] |
sillykripples |
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| strange days have struck us down |
[Apr. 18th, 2005|06:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | okay i'm a little high | ] |
| [ | music |
| | minor threat | ] |
yeah so jennys back...thats pretty cool i dunno the whole world feels upside down right know like i had some oxycodone and i fucking found out it was methadone and i gave it to someone who it could have killed yeah i felt pretty shitty...i know im retarted yeah but lately i've been kinda pretty happy and i don't know why so thats kinda cool to anyway i had alot i wanted to say when i logged on but i errr kinda sorta forgetted oh well i updated finally WOOT WOOT go me ....okay me go now
-te amore, michelle |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 8th, 2005|03:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  artistic | ] |
god i'm a fag i stayed after today to take a test and now i'm kickin it in the library with oz and karlene i really fucking bored and i don't think i've updated in awhile so i am go me WOOT WOOT |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 27th, 2005|04:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the vandals | ] |
Put an X next to what you've done. Don't reply but repost.
[x] I am bisexual or homosexual.
[x] I've smoked weed.
[x] I've smoked cigarettes.
[x] I've gotten high.
[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[x] I've run away from home.
[x] I've lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I've failed 2 or more classes in one marking period.
[ ] I don't like Bush because from what I hear, he is dumb.
[x] I don't like Bush with my own reasons to back it up.
[] I am for Bush.
[x] Im just not so sure about this bush guy.
[x] I listen to political music.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[x] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[x] I open up to others easily.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world
[x] I watch the news.
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[ ] I own an iPod.
[x] I own something from Hot Topic.
[ ] I love Disney Movies.
[x] I am a sucker for blonde hair/blue eyes.
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[ ] I talk in ebonics, except for around black people.
[x] I curse regularly.
[ ] I paid for that cell phone ring.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name
[ ] I've slipped out an "lol" in a real conversation.
[x] I love Spam.
[x] I bake well.
[x] I would wear pajamas to school.
[x] I own something from Abercrombie.
[x] I sneak out of the house often.
[] I have a job.
[ ] I love Martha Stewart.
[x] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS... losers
[x] I think Napoleon Dynamite is overrated.
[x] I am self conscious.
[x] I like to laugh.
[x] I smoke a pack a day.
[x] I loved Perks of Being a Wallflower.
[x] I loved Go Ask Alice.
[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ I can't swallow pills.
[x] I win people over easily.
[ ] I eat fast food weekly.
[x] I have many scars.
[ ] I've been out of this country
[x] I believe in ghosts.
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I am really ticklish. [really is an underestimate]
[] I see a therapist.
[x] I love white chocolate.
[x] I bite my nails.
[x] I am comfortable with being me. |
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| dammit |
[Feb. 24th, 2005|10:23 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
so i'm in science and we are supposed to be doing research on star and we have this stupid dike for a sub i want her to lick my big hairy cock keel over and die so i'm on lj updating instead cause clackamas is a fukcing hairy cunt sponge and blocked my space god dammit i hate that dike!!!!!! |
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| iby's a slut and she skull fucked my fetus |
[Feb. 6th, 2005|09:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  im dumb | ] |
| [ | music |
| | reel big fish-trendy | ] |
put a X in the box if u would do it
[] go out with me?
[] give me your number?
[] kiss me?
[] let me kiss you?
[] watch a movie with me?
[] take me out to dinner?
[] drive me somewhere
[] take me for a romantic date?
[] be my bf/gf?
[] buy me a drink?
[] take me home for the night?
[] lend me your sweatshirt just because you know i love it?
[]Would you let me sleep in your bed?
[] Buy me a teddy bear?
[] Sing car karaoke w/ me?
[] Sit in the doctors office with me b/c I didn't want to go alone?
[] Re-post this for me to answer your questions?
[] Give me a piggyback ride?
[] Come pick me up at 3 am b/c my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere
[] Play video games with me.
[] Go to the track with me
[] Ride in the back so I wouldn't have to.
[] Give me your last piece of food because I was hungry.
D0 Y0U...
[] think im cute?
[] think im hot?
[] think im sexy?
[] want to kiss me?
[] want to cuddle wit me?
ARE WE...
[] aquintences?
[] friends?
[] in a relationship?
[] gonna have kids?
[] get married?
AM i...
[] smart?
[] cute?
[] funny?
[] cool?
[] sexy?
[] everything you've ever wanted?
HAVE Y0U EVER...
[] thought about me?
[] thought there might be an "us"?
[] thought about hookin up with me?
[] found yourself wanting a kiss from me?
[] wished i were there?
[] wished there was an us?
ARE Y0U...
[] done with this survey?
[] happy you know me?
[] mad at me?
[] thinkin bout me?
[] going to repost this so that i will return the favor? |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 6th, 2005|01:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
|
|
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| remember that one time with the bitches and hoes |
[Feb. 3rd, 2005|04:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | boxes | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the breeders-cannonball | ] |
If you read this:
You must post a memory of me.
It can be anything you want; it can be good or bad.
Just so long as it happened.
Then post this to your journal.
See what people remember about you |
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| my life was over before it began |
[Jan. 28th, 2005|09:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | not in a good way | ] |
| [ | music |
| | minor threat-bottled violence | ] |
have you ever had this feeling of impending doom and the whole world is spinning while your standing still like not just in your mind but like the room and everything around you is acctually spinning i don't know mabey i'm just coming down hardcore but i think something big and shitty is going to happen sometime soon and it sucks b/c i just can't seem to shake this shitty feeling it's like being on the round up non stop knowing that soon enough it's going to break and everyone will die i want drugs and it doesn't make me feel guilty i'm right there with you iby fuck what everyone else says i'm done making other people happy i want to fall off the face of the earth for a couple days or years yeah that sounds right |
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| quizy thing |
[Jan. 25th, 2005|10:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | sublime-ramona | ] |
How tall are you?
5'8"
Have you ever smoked heroin?
on accident
Do you own a gun?
no
Have you ever been arrested?
once kinda
How many of your friends have committed suicide?
0
Would you fuck someone in a cemetary?
yes
Who is your favorite villian?
i dont know
Pesci or Devito?
Pesci
Do you ever punch yourself?
sometimes
Have you ever killed an animal?
Yes on accident
Are you Italiano-
Nope
Who would you punch if you could?
It's a long list
What do you think of hot dogs?
mmmm...pig guts
What's your favorite Christmas song?
i hate all x-mas songs
What is your favorite smell?
laundry or sex
What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
beer
Would you go to SF or NYC right now if you had the chance?
cant decide prolly nyc
What's your favorite college football team?
I don't have one
Do you do pushups?
no
Do you ever fantasize about murder?
sometimes
Would you fuck Victoria Gotti if you could?
no
Have you ever done ecstasy?
Yes
Are you straightedge?
hell no
Are you vegan?
i was a while ago
Do you shoplift?
On occasion
Whats the last thing you stole?
a twix...i was hungry
Do you ski or snowboard?
Neither
What do you think of mustaches?
Girls shouldn't have them lol
Do you use hair gel?
No
Do you sniff cocaine?
Never have but looking to try it
Who is your favorite serial killer?
i like them all
Do you believe in bigfoot?
yes
Have you ever made out with your friends bf or gf?
Yes I have.....but I didn't know.O.o
Have you been shot?
yeah with a bb gun
Have you ever been hospitalized?
Several times
Do you like painkillers?
yes
What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
I don't have one.O.o
Have you ever lubed up your genitals with soy milk?
Who the fuck would do that
Do you own a knife?
of course
Have you played ghettopoly?
Fuck no
Have you ever bought drugs in the "ghetto" or "hood"?
sadly yes
Do you have A.D.D.?
sometimes i think i doo
Have you ever had a head injury?
Oh yea
How many virgins have u slept with?
one
do u love the pain a tattoo brings?
yes
White or black?
Clothing:Black |
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| i stole another one from whitnee |
[Jan. 17th, 2005|02:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nobody's home | ] |
1. First Name: Michelle
2. Were you named after anyone? my aunt
3. Do you wish on stars? nope
4. Which fingers are you favorite? My middle finger and my pinkie
5. When did you last cry? last night i was crashing bad
6. Do you like your handwriting? kinda
7. What is your favorite lunch meat? turkey
8. Any bad habits? yeah
9. What's in your CD player right now? in utero
10. Do you believe in soul mates? somtimes
12. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? Probibly
13. Do looks matter in the opposite sex? somtimes
14. Have you ever misused a word and it sounded Absolutely stupid? Yep
15. Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? not really
unless your on acid
16 Do fish have feelings? good question
17. Are you trendy? everybodys doing the fish,please don't hate because i'm trendy
18. How do you release anger? lots of ways
19. Where are your second homes? i don't have a home
20. Do you trust others easily? Yes
21.what was your favorite toy as a child? a robot woodstock
22. What class in school did you think was totally useless? PE
23. Do you have a journal? well this one
24. Do you use sarcasm? sometimes
25. Have you been in a mosh pit? Yep
26. What do you look for in a person? Nothing really.
27. What are your nicknames? cracky,kripples,skeeze,micha,...ect.
28. Would you ever bungee jump? probly
29. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? no,unless it's my doc's
30. Do you think that you are strong? Nope.
31. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? half baked or phish food
32. What's your favorite color? i don't know
33 what is your least favorite food? Sausage
34. how many wisdom teeth do you have? two
35. Do you like anyone a WHOLE lot? Yes sir.
36. How many people have a crush on you right now? i dont know
37. Who do you miss most right now? i'm miss alot of people alot but mostly whitnee and jenny right now
38. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send back? im not sending it to anyone
40. What you listening to right now? crass-untitled
41.what are the last 4 digits of your home number? 8489
42. What was the last thing you ate? safeway soup samples w/crackers
43. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? you tell me
44. what is the weather right now? cold and rainyish
45.who is the last person you talked to on the phone? monica
46.what is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? eyes i do with both sexes
48. Favorite alcoholic drink? jager or mickey's
49.favorite sport? probbably basketball
50. Eye color? brown and green
51. Do you wear contacts? nope
52. Sibling and age? bobby-29 marc-36 micheal-36 francine-30somthing
mary-somwhere near 40 amber-24
53. What is your favorite month? july
54. Favorite food? Taco Bell
55. last movie you watched? snatch
56. Favorite day of the year? theres to many but mabey halloween
56. Are you too shy to ask someone out? not really
57.scary movies or happy endings? depends
58. Summer or winter? summer
59. Hugs or kisses? They're so differnt, and they go so well together.
60. Relationships or one-night stands? Both
61. Do you want your friends to write back? yes
62. Who is most likely to respond?
63. Who is less likely to respond?
64. What book are you reading? None right now,
65. Favorite song? thats a sucky question theres far to many
66. Favorite board game? dunno
67. What did you watch on TV last night? venture bros.
68. Favorite smells? sex,fruit,pot,hairdye,cooking brownies ect.
69. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning? i don't think in the morning |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 17th, 2005|11:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  not b/c of this | ] |
| [ | music |
| | spiderwebs | ] |
look i updated go me!!! |
|
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| i stole it from whitee |
[Jan. 10th, 2005|04:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | dunno why | ] |
| [ | music |
| | years without light-gwar | ] |
Ask me 4 questions - any 4 no matter how personal, private, or random. I have to answer them honestly and I have to answer them all. In turn you post this message in your own journal and you have to answer the questions that are asked to you.
P.S.you diddn't call me |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 26th, 2004|11:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | group x-peanut song | ] |
wow i'm really fucking bored me and de madre are "babysitting" ayla and jareth so i'm pretty much stuck at their house all week oh well good bye now |
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sillykripples's journal
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